On Wealth.

There are times, I can't explain why would I choose to conform to values that I do not agree to. As if, if I can't win within the system which I myself despise, I am no better than the system itself. The last time I was genuinely proud of myself was when I received the acceptence letter from University of Toronto. The last last time, was, when I received a phone call from MingPao telling me that I have got the job offer. That was a system which I consider fair, I know I am winning it all by myself. I know I can achieve more, as long as I continue to strive for a better version of myself. Even though I might not be rich, yet, I was earning my own living and I know that there is a way out of the limbo. Since my return to asia, married to a rich family, I begins to feel quite empty inside. The confirmation given by the society due to my monetary status allows me to escape from the constant struggle of my self-esteem, which I had to deal with quite frequently before. However, as time goes by, the lack of such struggle have turned me into an ignorant person. A person who cannot touch her soul anymore. A person who doesn't know her own evil side. A person who doesn't question her soul any longer. A person who do not seek for God anymore. Eventually, a person becomes a only a body, who merely exist, yet is no longer alive. 

I wish, to remain silent. To stop living on an online world. To find the inner me, and live with it, and only with it. I wish to use the internet only for information without the display of one's ego and pride. I wish to question the devil inside myself more often, get to live with her and be with her. God, please give me strength.